One Freak Girl: September 2008

WISDOM

Posted On 4:37 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

A priest dies and is waiting in line at Heaven's Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?"

"Results," shrugged Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. When he drove, people prayed."

Moral of the story :

It's Performance, Not Position, That Counts

At Training Program for Top Management

Posted On 5:57 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste

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ANOTHER MANAGEMENT LESSON

Never start a project unless all resorces are available. See below....

Difference between Appraisal and Resignation

Posted On 4:33 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation
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In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.
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In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.
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During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
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There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.
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Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
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The World's Best of BEST'SSSSSSSSSssssss

Posted On 9:41 PM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

WORLD'S BIGGEST INDOOR SWIMMING-POOL

World Water Park…..Edmonton, Albert, Canada…SIZE….5 Acres

WORLD'S BIGGEST OFFICE COMPLEX ………… CHICAGO

Chicago Merchandise Mart…..Illinois, USA

WORLD'S BUSIEST AIRPORT……………NEW YORK

J.F.K International Airport , New York………………..USA

WORLD'S WIDEST BRIDGE………AUSTRALIA

Sydney harbor bridge, Australia.............

16 lanes of car traffic............ 8 lanes in the upper floor, 8 in the lower floor

WORLD'S LONGEST BRIDGE……………CHINA

Donghai Bridge , China ……………………32.5 kilo meters

WORLD'S BIGGEST PASSENGER-SHIP

MS Freedom of the Seas……4300 passenger Capacity Inside

WORLD'S BIGGEST PLANE……………AIRBUS

Airbus A380………..555 Passengers

WORLD'S BIGGEST BUS

Neoplan Jumbo -cruiser……..2 in 1 bus….double deck bus……170 passenger capacity

WORLD'S HIGHEST STATUE…………….BRAZIL

CHRIST THE REDEEMER STATUE…..RIO.D.J………BRAZIL

WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING………DUBAI

Burj Dubai……….900 meters high. To be finally completed 2008

WORLD'S LARGEST PALACE…ROMANIA

Palace of the Parliament…..Bucharest, Romania ……….
more than 500 bedrooms, 55 kitchens,120 sitting rooms

WORLD'S BIGGEST STADIUM……….BRAZIL

MARACANA STADIUM………… RIO D.J…………BRAZIL……………CAPACITY…199,000

MOST COMPLEX INTER-CHANGE………TEXAS

Interstate 10 Highways Interchange……Houston, Texas.

WORLD'S BIGGEST EXCAVATOR

Built by KRUPP of Germany………….45,500 tons……95 meters high……215 meters long

WORLD'S LARGEST MOSQUE………………PAKISTAN

Shah Feisal mosque…..Islamabad……Pakistan
Inside hall capacity ….35, 000 outside overflow capacity…… 150,000

WORLD'S BIGGEST HOTEL………LAS VEGAS

MGM Grand Hotel….Las Vegas….6, 276 rooms

WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE HOTEL …DUBAI…U.A.E

Burj Al Arab Hotel, Dubai….only 7 Star Hotel in the World Cheapest room…
$1000 per night.…..Royal suit…$28,000 per night

WORLD'S BIGGEST CHURCH BUILDING………NIGERIA

Winners` C hapel…….Canaanland ………. Otta…..…
Nigeria Inside Sitting Capacity……50,000 Outside Overflow Capacity……250,000

WORLD'S BIGGEST ROMAN-CATHOLIC CATHEDRAL…………IVORY-COAST

Management Cartoons - Part 2

Posted On 6:18 PM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

Management Cartoons

Posted On 2:26 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

Some of CONFUSING ENGLISH make me headache, would u help me?

Posted On 10:43 PM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Human ??

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this??

Well, get back to WORK now!!

Stiff After Three Hours really Freak!!

Posted On 10:11 PM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

Man, I am getting old. I spent only three measly hours this morning sanding and cleaning two of the walls in the spare bedroom. And I am so stiff now I can hardly stand. You’d think all the dog sports I did would actually get me in better shape. Or be more flexible, anyway. But apparently not.

The first picture is before I emptied out the room and started. These last two are after I was done with the two walls. Whoever lived here before us must have smoked, because the walls are yellow acnd dripping. Not as bad as some I’ve tried to clean and paint over… but bad enough. Plus, whoever painted didn’t put any primer on the baseboard or the door molding. I’ve been sanding it off completely, and easily. And I just don’t know if I’ll have the gumption to sand it all off, or if I’ll just sand most of it off and call it good.

Maybe my sister will like to come help me paint once the prep work is done. Painting takes the least amount of time, though. Prep takes about 100 times longer. Oh well.. it’ll get done. I’ve been avoiding this room for almost nine years. It’s the last upstairs room to get painted (well, except the kitchen, but the kitchen is gonna be gutted so it doesn’t count). So finally I’m getting around to it.

I’m not rushing, though. I’m taking it easy and only doing what I feel like doing at one time. I don’t care if it takes me all fall, or all winter. I want to do it slowly and do it right.

Not sure what color I’m going to paint… the carpet (the only room in our house left that has carpet) is blue with grey flecks. And I don’t want either blue or grey, and I’m not sure what will match. Oh well, I’ll find something!

The Donkey Attitude

Posted On 8:27 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.

God bless us all!

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State...

Posted On 10:19 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
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LAW OF TELEPHONE : When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
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LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
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LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
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LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
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BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
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LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
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LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
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LAW OF BIOMECHANICS : The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
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THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
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LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

How to Handle Sentimental Clutter

Posted On 10:05 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

I don't know about you, but I find myself with things stashed away in cabinets that I know I'll never display or use again, but I just can't bring myself to part with them because a certain person gave it to me. Or it evokes a wonderful memory from my past.

Marcia Francios over at Organising Queen has posted a couple of times now on a great idea to reduce sentimental clutter.

Take a picture! You can memorialize it in a photo album or in your blog. This way, you keep the visual stimulus of that person or memory without taking up the space!

Grand ma in Court

Posted On 9:24 AM by onefreakgirl | | 2 comments

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for the answer .

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair ."

Indian Hell !

Posted On 9:09 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,"What do they do here?"

He was told,"First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!

Some Freaky Stuff

Posted On 8:43 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

This neonate bat, fell down on our courtyard in heavy rain, from some nearby tree.. it was so young, it hadn’t even opened its eyes...

I didn’t know what to do, and somehow picked up the delicate thing and placed it on a small garden shrub...

I came back in the evening, and looked for him but he was not there where I kept.. I hope his mother found him and took him away...!

Introduction

Posted On 8:43 AM by onefreakgirl | | 0 comments

I may not be a big writer, but whatever I will write, I will do it with complete honesty and give 100% satisfaction, as you will see as I progress... it's like my reader is a part of my family. I too raise a family, and I know how challenging & fulfilling it is...

The Blogger community is the best forum for young folks like me to reach across to wonderful people like you to exchange our thoughts and views about various topics in life. So please read if you're a serious reader only. Because gonna write some wonderful articles on various topics.

Feel free to exchange your thoughts, your queries & your opinions with me.